I hate

feeling all alone... I mess up way too much

August 23rd, the first day of my raw journey :]

I'm really excited my mum, just took me to trader joes and even though i spent like forty dollars i think i got a lot of neat things :]

Foods.
Goat Milk.--> I was drinking soy, until i found out that it is just as bad cow milk, because it has Glutamate in it... I'll get in to the whole Glutamate problem in a little bit...
Bananas--> I read somewhere bananas have something in them that helps a chemical in your brain cause happiness((im a depressed person so..))
Lavender oil- for baths so i can relax/ not have anxiety attacks...
Chamomile tea--> help me sleep---no more anxiety attacks I hope...
Lemons :]
Avocados:]
Green tea
Black tea
broccoli :D
Ginger chips
lavender-washing-clothes
Im really excited, I need this new beginning. =]

any ideas of what other foods i should get?
I have tomatoes too.

A new me

Its hard for me to say, that everything is going to be okay. I have a really painful mentally and physically anxiety disorder and I don't know ever if its going to be okay.
Im going to be completely honest with myself, I want to go raw and only turn to raw foods and herbs to help save me. My anxiety disorder is getting worst by each half hour. Im turning to raw foods and herbs and meditation and yoga, instead of Xanax the chemical my doctor wants to prescribe me, because i know, being someone that has done esctasy pills((not pure---street stuff aka thizzles for over six months)) can only bring more damage than healing to my body. As i said, i got heavily into drugs--ecstasy/ and alch. And i know its only made my anxiety disorder much worst. I think my anxiety disorder grew from experiences in my early childhood of just being afraid of everything-and rape/abuse/anorexia/bingeing/ect ect stuff... and now just coming back to the sober life-stopped ecstasy only about a few weeks ago. So i know this is the only way... Because if i don't... I just. Im so tired of being afraid having my heart race and chest tighten and feeling faint literally every half hour and worrying about everything... I just i can't take it anymore...So I want to go raw/turn to herbs... All Natural to save myself....I'd appreciate any advice or anything. I just I want to once one day, be able to wake up and be happy. severe great disorder of depression i think too... I could cry about everything, my sensitivity is extreme... I get so nervous that i will skip school...even though im a 3.8 student gpa all Honours/AP because im scared... I just can't help to think..whats going to happen...No one really knows beyond earth...I just get so scared...Im like on the verge of tears writing this because i really feel this is my only hope... I don't want fucking xanax---more toxics in my body=//
So yeah this is me - anxiety/crazy/afraid.....girl...